07 Article on How to Say No (’A.A’) by Jelila

Journeys with Jelila

How to say ‘no’ without alienating yourself.

Relax and enjoy the peace of Ubud, as you harmonise yourself! Come on a Journey with me now and discover how…

Relax, breathe, and imagine yourself before a gold table. A card shark shuffles cards very fast, laying them out. He places exotically-shaped gold rings on some cards, you choose one you like best. Examine the design, notice how it makes you feel and what it reminds you of, talk to the magician if you need explanation, and when ready, gently return.

My client, Deirdre was having trouble with her boyfriend. ‘I always seem to do what he wants, and make all the running, while he puts his feet up!’ she said. ‘Usually I’m an independent person, but around him, I act like a wuss!’

It transpired that Deirdre was having trouble saying ‘no’ because she subconsciously believed ‘I must help others in order to survive’. So everytime she received a request, she had to help – because she was secretly afraid she would die if she didn’t!

Subconscious beliefs drive our behaviour – we have no control over such ideas, because we already rejected them, and hid them, because they were painful.

I guided Deirdre to release the negative belief, and she said she felt much more relaxed. Try it for yourself, below.

Then I asked ‘so you’re the nice one, and he’s the nasty one, right?’ She nodded, and I explained a strange yet important polarity (a range of opposites) – with ‘alienating asshole’ (please excuse my language!) on one end – denoting the kind of behaviour that is utterly self-centred, alienating, and has no concern for others whatsoever – and at the other end, the ‘ingratiating giver’ – the one who gives, to the detriment of themselves.

As with all polarities, BOTH ends hold important gifts – the gift of being an A.A. is the ability to protect one’s own interests, grab the biggest pie – which sometimes, you need!  The gift of the ‘ingratiating giver’ is the ability to serve others. However, if you judge being an A.A. as being bad or wrong, then that leaves you stuck always in the role of ‘ingratiating giver’ – which is just another way of being the same thing!

You may also think of this polarity as being like ‘angel’ and ‘devil’. With whom do you play one or the other of those roles?

I guided Deirdre to use this powerful yet easy healing process that I developed to help my clients. You may feel energy, or notice surprising thoughts, as you try it:

Invite every aspect of yourself to be present. Relax, breathe, close your eyes, and in one hand imagine a ball representing any part of you that feels or is afraid that it is an Alienating Asshole, or has judged being that as being bad or wrong. In the other hand imagine a ball that represents the part of you that is an ingratiating giver, has judged being an ingratiating giver as being bad or wrong, or is afraid of being that. Gently bring the balls together, and if you like the feeling, place it in your heart.

Special note: Embracing this polarity helps to release your full potential.

Repeat the process, imagining one ball that represents any parts of you that feels or believes ‘I must have to, may have to, please or appease others in order to please myself, and/or in order to survive’, and another ball that represents the parts of you that don’t feel like that.  Gently bring the balls together, and if you like the feeling, place it in your heart.

© Jelila 2008. All rights reserved.

Jelila is Bali’s best-known international healer, harmonising you with music & crystals, past life and deep subconscious mind reprogramming therapy and her range of crystal products and CDs (helps Bali Village Kids) in Ubud at Bali Spirit and Namasté, and in Sanur at Manik Organik. In this column, she guides your inner ‘journey’.

Contact Jelila: Cell: +62 (0) 81 239 43354 Flexi: +62 (0)361 3137528

website : www.jelila.com email: jelila@jelila.com